Broken

Words & Photography
by Ginger Parrish



Last summer I was in the best shape of my life. I was eating right, working out, and was stronger than I'd ever been. But something was off. Really off.

My insides were not working, my heart broken. Every fiber of my being ached for another child. I had been doing my best to take care of my body, why was it failing to get pregnant month after month? The harder I worked, the harder I fell. The unexplained infertility kept me up at night. I screamed into my pillow, cried myself to sleep. I longed for answers, no one had them. I closed off to the world. My cycle was regular. I was going to church, saying prayers, and trying my darnedest to be the best mother and wife I could be. Things just didn't add up. The more I told myself to believe it would all work out, the more I questioned what I believed. I didn't love my body. I felt guilty for not being more grateful, but this body had let me down. Let our family down. Jon down. Our sweet sons who still pray each night for a little sister down. The word that consumed me during my darkest days: BROKEN. I truly led myself to believe that I was broken.

The more I told myself to believe it would all work out, the more I questioned what I believed. I didn't love my body. I felt guilty for not being more grateful, but this body had let me down.

Fast forward to today, rounding the 20 week mark of our third pregnancy, where I've teamed with The Small Seed on a collaborative challenge to stop negative thoughts about ourselves. I believe if we dig deeper and channel our efforts into developing the eyes to see what God sees in us, we'll discover a pretty clear view of how loved we truly are.

I don't know about you, but I need this #CHOOSINGTOLOVEMYSELF challenge. I love the "choosing" theme because it's more clear than it has ever been to me, loving myself is MY choice. One that's easier said than done. But I am choosing to love my "out of shape" pregnant body (which is currently showing more in my hips than on my belly) because my beauty isn't defined by looks. And neither is yours. I'm not choosing to love myself because I'm finally pregnant, but because I'm made exactly as I was supposed to be made. God didn't mess up on any of us!!

...it's more clear than it has ever been to me, loving myself is MY choice. 

What do you say we do this challenge together? Head to The Small Seed to download a kit and let's do daily challenges as a team. I am praying it will make a difference in my life and in yours, too.