The Becoming of Myself

Words & Photography
by Marissa Joan Ho



Not everyone takes/has the opportunity to find and live their true self. I am oddly fortunate for an unfortunate (in the end) experience that took over 7 years of my life.

During that time, with each passing year I felt worse and tried to find my happiness in that person. That was my biggest mistake. To be dependent on someone to fill that void will only put you in a tough and unhealthy position when things don't go your way, and trust me, things did not go my way, or his, for years.

...and it took those 7 years (and for him to no longer be in my life) for me to realize I need to prioritize finding happiness within myself, by myself.

I was wrong for doing this, I have no one to blame but myself and it took those 7 years (and for him to no longer be in my life) for me to realize I need to prioritize finding happiness within myself, by myself. I still have so much love and respect for this person because without him and our up and down experience, I wouldn't have had my epiphany. It is because of him that I have become this person I am now so in love with! I cannot thank him enough and wish I could tell him this face to face.

However, I can confidently share this: if you start following the urges and desires you have in life, you will have hopped on a magic carpet ride of happiness and awesomeness. Follow your intuition and be your authentic self. I was once a shy, depressed, and low-key angry person, but I have accepted my past self and have come to terms with it. I have never been THIS happy in my entire life! Follow your heart (and gut), do what you love, and take care of your mental health. Your happiness will align with peace and that is the amazing indicator that you are connected with your true nature.