These Heartaches

Words & Photography
by Alexandra Ambroise



Three years ago today we lost our first pregnancy and started what would feel like the longest and most difficult journey of our lives.

Feeling so vulnerable, I couldn't help but blame myself and constantly replay every moment from the previous months in my head of what I may have done wrong; I was ashamed and felt so incredibly helpless. I had to hide the constant ache in my heart because it felt like talking about it would make people uncomfortable, and that a conversation like that was not okay in our society.

I had to hide the constant ache in my heart because it felt like talking about it would make people uncomfortable...

In the years to come we lost three more pregnancies and had a very hard time holding on to our little baby those next 9 months. I wished I had someone to tell me that there would come a day when I would hold the baby I prayed so hard for, and that all the pain and suffering would be nothing compared to the happiness I would feel, but I didn't have that.

As time went on, and Joshua came into the world, I started sharing a bit of our story and I was blown away with how many of you had a similar one; how many close friends and family members went through the same pain and suffering I did, and who also never talked about it. It made me realize that as women we go through so many of the same obstacles, and I wish we would be more vulnerable  and open to sharing our stories. Each one of these heartaches should have a purpose and talking about them with one another helps us grow and heal in ways we can't do alone.

Each one of these heartaches should have a purpose and talking about them with one another helps us grow and heal in ways we can't do alone.

There is a reason for every single thing that happens, and, to me, it feels like the reason is to help the one that comes after you. To be their shoulder to lean on, and the one who tells them of the rainbow after the storm; making sure they never feel alone or at fault. Every heartache has a purpose, so what's yours? What obstacle have you overcome that could help someone who might be going through the same thing?