Avoidance Bread

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Words & Photography
by Alexandria Smith



I’m not an incredible baker. Accuracy and patience have never been my strong suites, and baking bread from scratch was always something I envied of other more domestic women. Baking is not my “thing,” however, avoidance of unpleasant feelings by focusing on other less significant but equally time consuming tasks is my thing, so basically that’s where this recipe is coming from. It’s avoidance in the form of a chewy, golden brown loaf of whole wheat sourdough bread. Because if you want to avoid dealing with things you aren’t quite ready to feel through, eating lots of warm, homemade bread seems to be a pretty decent trade off.
Baking is not my “thing,” however, avoidance of unpleasant feelings by focusing on other less significant but equally time consuming tasks is my thing...
You see, it feels all warm and fuzzy to write about love and light and good things and bright treasures, but the honest truth is, I’m floundering. I’m flailing through waves and gasping for breath, like I’ve been treading water for weeks, months even, and the storm ensues. I’m tired. I want a life preserver. Better yet, I want the coast guard to drop down from their helicopter and scoop me up on that rope thing and carry me back to where that warmth lives. But I don’t want to tell you that. Because then I’m weak. I’m weak and I’m flawed, and maybe that means I’m failing at something? I don’t really know, but that’s what it feels like. And if I’m weak and flawed and failing, then surely you will judge me. Surely you will think all of the things about me that I wouldn’t want. So no, I won’t tell you that. I’ll tell you that everyone has rough patches but that there are good things there if you dig through them long enough, and deep enough, and you’ll find the glittering jewels of worth you desire. Because lately, the moments I spend pondering the existence of these particular gems, have been exponential and also exhausting. I’m not — not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me, I don’t. This is very truly part of my journey, not a part I very much care for, but an element no doubt. A part that will lead to another part, all tangled up into something I might someday understand. So please don’t feel sorry for this, feel hopeful, because our truth is what makes us human…but I won’t tell you that.
But I don’t want to tell you that. Because then I’m weak. I’m weak and I’m flawed, and maybe that means I’m failing at something? I don’t really know, but that’s what it feels like. And if I’m weak and flawed and failing, then surely you will judge me. 
I will tell you however, that it turns out baking bread is therapeutic for me. The process is simple, yet requires patience, the gratification is far from instant. Being that these are qualities I’ve been grasping for with both hands and all ten fingers, I figured this would be a rather delicious practice in self improvement. I baked roughly 12 loaves before finally cracking the formula for the perfect loaf of sourdough. It was a task I focused on, thought of throughout the day, read about, and therefore successfully avoided other more unpleasant thoughts. And I ate a lot of bread. Win-win if you ask me. So now it’s either time to deal, or time to figure out how to make something else…

I guess I’ve always wanted to make my own chèvre.



Sourdough Bread
Serves 1 loaf

First we have to make our sourdough starter. This is the leaven that will make our dough rise through the addition of wild yeast and the lactobacillus that will grow as the starter ripens. I make my start a week before I actually want to bake the bread. You will continue to "feed" the starter everyday for a week, and every other day after that to maintain it, and it will last for as long as you want it to.

Ingredients for Starter
1 cup organic unbleached flour
1 cup filtered water at room temp
1 tsp of yeast

Directions
1. I use a 1 qt mason jar for my starter and I use my hands to incorporate the flour into the water.
2. Let it sit covered by plastic wrap in a cupboard and feed it an additional 1/4 cup flour + 1/4 cup filtered water everyday for the next 7 days. It should get bubbly and grow each time you feed, then settle down by the next feeding.

Ok so after a week your starter is ready! Now it's time to make some sourdough. Your starter should smell fermented but not rotten.

Ingredients for Bread
Mix 1/4 cup of your starter with 1 1/2 cups of filtered room temperature water
Add 1 tbsp of kosher salt
Add 2 1/2 cups of organic unbleached flour + 1 cup of organic whole wheat flour

Directions
1. Incorporate but do not knead.
2. Cover with plastic wrap and set on top of your fridge for the next 10-12 hours. After the time is up, you should notice a nice growth to your dough.
3. Now we are going to "fold" the dough instead of knead it. Basically you just take each side and pull it up and over the top of the dough in the bowl. It should be an easy and gently process. I fold for about 2-3 minutes, making sure I still have a nice airy dough.
4. Now transfer to your proofing basket (make sure to thoroughly flour your basket to avoid sticking dough. Let rest for about 45 minutes to an hour. While that rests, let your oven heat.
5. Place your clay bread baker in the oven and heat to 500 degrees.
6. Once oven is hot and bread has risen, score your loaf down the middle with a razor to allow heat release, and place in HOT parchment paper-lined clay baker. Put the lid on and bake at 500 degrees for 30 minutes. Then reduce to 450 degrees, remove lid, and bake for 15 minutes.
7. Let cool and enjoy!

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