Grief And Gratefulness

Words & Photography
by Megan Alexandra



There are a few things throughout our foster care journey that totally humble me and can, at times, bring tears to my eyes with gratitude. One of those things is our relationship with one of our former foster’s bio family. I love seeing baby’s bio mom be an amazing parent. I love seeing her in her kid’s eyes. I love the way her kids smile at her and run into her arms. I feel like I’m being given a precious gift when she continues to call me her baby’s godmother, calls Ivy “sissy,” and invites us into their life. I don’t feel like I deserve that, and I don’t feel entitled to it, but I’m beyond grateful for it.

I grieve my loss of her little voice happily calling out for us from her room every morning, while still simultaneously celebrating that she’s forever home with her loving family. I celebrate that, although the foster system is broken, she came out of it with double the family that adores her.

For a year that sweet baby was in my arms. Though I didn’t carry her in my womb, the love was still the same. In many ways she shaped me into the mom I am now. Her leaving our home made me cry in bed for hours, as could be expected. BUT. I grieve my loss of her little voice happily calling out for us from her room every morning, while still simultaneously celebrating that she’s forever home with her loving family. I celebrate that, although the foster system is broken, she came out of it with double the family that adores her. I celebrate with gratefulness that we have been given this gift of watching the next chapter of her life unfold. It’s a huge dichotomy of Foster Care that I think you can’t quite understand until you walk through it. Grief and gratefulness.

If you’re a new foster parent out there feeling stuck, strapped into a seat of the emotional roller coaster that foster care can be, take heart. Remember that although there are stories of heartbreak, there are also stories of healing. Fight for the healing, whatever that looks like for you. The healing is beautiful.